The Amityville Horror 2005

John Monaghan, Detroit Free Press: The latest in a long line of cheap horror film remakes that combine familiar names and stories with slash-cut editing and computer-generated effects. Read more

Connie Ogle, Miami Herald: Moviegoers are more cynical now than they were in 1979, and most will laugh off the moments meant to be tense. You can't really blame them. Read more

Moira MacDonald, Seattle Times: In theory, this should all be scary, but it just isn't. You giggle at the B-movie cheesiness of it. Read more

Bob Longino, Atlanta Journal-Constitution: There's nothing this Amityville won't beg, borrow, steal from or fabricate in trying to make your neck hairs sit up and quiver. Read more

AV Club: Read more

Bill Muller, Arizona Republic: If star Ryan Reynolds wants to scare us, why not just lock us in a room and make us watch Van Wilder over and over? Or have girlfriend Alanis Morissette talk about her past relationships? Read more

Wesley Morris, Boston Globe: Not content to remake an old, mediocre horror movie, this Amityville takes its cues from current mediocre horror movies, too. This one is frightening only if you can't remember the last throwaway movie that leaned on all the same tricks. Read more

Kevin Thomas, Los Angeles Times: The film is a terrific scare show, fast and furious, made with a lot of style and energy, packing plenty of jolts yet never lingering morbidly over horrific images. Read more

Bruce Westbrook, Houston Chronicle: Like good drive-in fare from the '70s, this is all about sensation. Read more

Lisa Kennedy, Denver Post: Since Scream poured irony into the mix, it has become mighty hard to write a line of dialogue that doesn't elicit winks and nods. We all know where the mayhem's leading. Read more

Owen Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly: Nothing gets in the way of the rote staging, the ham-handed predictability, the feeling that you've been to this house, and yawned at these ghosts, once too often. Read more

Philip Wuntch, Dallas Morning News: Watching The Amityville Horror is about as enjoyable as attending a Halloween party hosted by people you can barely tolerate. Read more

Chuck Wilson, L.A. Weekly: Never buy a house with a basement, and while you're at it, avoid old Dutch Colonials in which the previous occupants were murdered by an eldest son possessed by demons. Read more

Gene Seymour, Newsday: The movie is a procession of unregenerate B-level goosing. But there's definitely a smirk beneath the muck. Read more

Lisa Rose, Newark Star-Ledger: The startling thing about the remake is that it's one of the better horror films to hit screens in recent months, thanks to its refusal to take itself too seriously. Read more

Jack Mathews, New York Daily News: A cut-to-order MTV hack attack. Audiences will be stunned not because they have been frightened but by how obvious and safe the whole thing is. Read more

Manohla Dargis, New York Times: Low-key creepy rather than outright scary, the new Amityville marks a modest improvement over the original. Read more

Rex Reed, New York Observer: A few lines get laughs, but the horror is standard fare, without a shred of innovation. Read more

Roger Moore, Orlando Sentinel: The original is still creepy, but this Horror will have fans jumping in their seats and talking back to the screen. Read more

James Berardinelli, ReelViews: In a ghost story, the narrative doesn't have to be a model of originality or coherence, but it needs to support the scares. In The Amityville Horror, the writing is so bad that it detracts from the 'boo!' moments and creepy interludes. Read more

Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times: The problem with The Amityville Horror is that, in a very real sense, there's nothing there. Read more

Stephanie Zacharek, Salon.com: I wasn't shocked by The Amityville Horror, or outraged by it: I felt nothing but disdain. Read more

Ruthe Stein, San Francisco Chronicle: It retains the cheesy look of the 1979 original, pure schlock not gussied up to appear to be anything else. Read more

Colin Covert, Minneapolis Star Tribune: If they scare up enough business to perpetuate this sort of retread, that will be the real horror. Read more

St. Louis Post-Dispatch: Read more

Rick Groen, Globe and Mail: A sustained if wildly unco-ordinated assault on our senses (our emotions are clearly not on his battle map), complementing those feverish jump cuts with a cliche of equally stunning proportions. Read more

Peter Howell, Toronto Star: Brevity is the single best thing about it. Read more

Time Out: Read more

Claudia Puig, USA Today: In this Amityville, the performances are bad, the special effects ho-hum, and it's not even particularly scary. Read more

Scott Foundas, Variety: Begins slavishly faithful to its low-key 1970s predecessor then sledgehammers auds with a numbing succession of shock edits and over-the-top horror effects. Read more

David Ng, Village Voice: The Amityville Horror is a Xerox so tattered and faded that it's impossible to determine who's to blame for the overproduced mediocrity before our eyes. Read more

Sean Daly, Washington Post: You'll want to get out of Amityville long before the Lutzes do. Read more

Michael O'Sullivan, Washington Post: A gory lark, a cheap-thrill-packed love poem to the history of the contemporary horror film. Read more