Scary Movie 5 2013

Andy Webster, New York Times: The latest installment of the slick, highly profitable parody franchise. Read more

Justin Chang, Variety: [A] numbingly inane if cheerfully up-to-the-minute new entry in a franchise presumed to have breathed its last seven years ago. Read more

Nathan Rabin, AV Club: 85 or so minutes of random nonsense from filmmakers so clearly dispirited by their mercenary assignment that they seem to be running out the clock from the very first frame. Read more

Darren Franich, Entertainment Weekly: A film composed almost entirely of jokes that were much funnier when you read them on Twitter years ago. Read more

Laremy Legel, Film.com: A hate crime against cinema, a ringing indictment of the depths commercialism will go to in search of the lowest common denominator. Read more

Frank Scheck, Hollywood Reporter: Spoofing movies ranging from Black Swan to Mama to Paranormal Activity, this installment of the profitable series is woefully, painfully unfunny. Read more

Amy Nicholson, Los Angeles Times: For the art-house crowd, who may, I suppose, stumble drunk into the wrong theater after too much Chardonnay, there are nods to Black Swan and 127 Hours. Read more

Rafer Guzman, Newsday: You know that friend of yours, the one who can't tell even the simplest joke? Watching him struggle for 85 minutes would still be funnier than this movie. Read more

Joe Neumaier, New York Daily News: Like so much of this whole series, the mere mention of a familiar pop culture figure or title is supposed to be hilarious. Read more

Kyle Smith, New York Post: Put it this way, there's a spoof of "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" in which gorillas throw their feces at the wall to see if it sticks, and you can't help wondering if this is actual documentary footage of the script meetings. Read more

Peter Howell, Toronto Star: It's supposed to be funny, but you'd have an easier time reading a zombie's pulse than you would finding a single good laugh ... Read more

Alonso Duralde, TheWrap: This is the sort of movie where you feel bad for Sheen and Lohan, because they hadn't actually hit rock bottom until they agreed to appear in it. Read more

Stephanie Merry, Washington Post: Scary Movie 5 must be some kind of psychological experiment. Perhaps the filmmakers sat in a lab, rubbing their temples while wondering aloud how awful they could make a movie and still score at the box office. Read more