Ninja Assassin 2009

Roger Moore, Orlando Sentinel: There's more to making sword-and-splatter work than just shiny blades and blood. It's got to have an edge, and the one on Ninja Assassin is dull as a butter knife. Read more

A.O. Scott, At the Movies: The problem is that the fight sequences -- the only reason anyone sees a movie like this in the first place -- are muddy, chaotic and boring. Even diehard fans of this genre would be well advised to skip this one. Read more

Michael Phillips, Chicago Tribune: McTeigue can barely shoot straight, and the editing is so hack-y, you have to take the stunts and fight choreography on faith. Read more

Kathleen Murphy, MSN Movies: Heads may roll, torsos get severed and geysers of blood spurt, but no amount of CGI'd gore can save 'Assassin' from being dramatically lame, visually impaired and kinetically flat-footed. Read more

Jeannette Catsoulis, New York Times: This saga, set in Berlin, is more committed to its bloodletting than to any of its characters. Read more

Kevin B. Lee, Time Out: Perhaps such phenomenal slaughter is best left to the imagination. Read more

Nathan Rabin, AV Club: If Ninja Assassin boasted sexual content equivalent to its level of violence, it would be rated NC-17 and repulse even the most dedicated perverts Read more

Kerry Lengel, Arizona Republic: This movie may be filled with razor-sharp shuriken and katanas, but as far as the filmmaking goes, it's a blunt instrument. Read more

Wesley Morris, Boston Globe: The credits for Ninja Assassin list two screenwriters and one director. But it's fair to say the movie has come straight out of a box. Read more

J. R. Jones, Chicago Reader: When a movie's first scene shows one thug getting the top of his head sliced off and another being chopped diagonally in half, you know you're not in for much of a dramatic crescendo. Read more

Chris Vognar, Dallas Morning News: What's a recovering ninja assassin to do? Why, paint the screen bright red, of course. Splatter it on. We're talking streaks and rivers of blood -- bloody swords, bloody clothes and, my personal favorite, bloody stumps. Read more

Tom Long, Detroit News: Rain is a very talented slaughterer. He could kill you with a pair of tweezers, a hair dryer, two bananas, whatever. Be glad he's a good ninja. Read more

Chris Nashawaty, Entertainment Weekly: Let's be honest, killing is this film's business... and business is good. Read more

Rene Rodriguez, Miami Herald: This shockingly disjointed and relentlessly dull picture can't even deliver the martial-arts kick its title so plainly promises. Read more

Kyle Smith, New York Post: This movie knows exactly what it is: Gonzo silliness about bodies turned into human salsa. Read more

Stephanie Zacharek, Salon.com: Ninja Assassin lives in the moment, a visceral gouge of a picture, and sections of it move so fast -- and are so intriguingly, dimly lit -- that you have to use your imagination a bit to discern what's happening. Read more

Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle: It's a gorefest, a borefest and a snorefest. Read more

Joe Williams, St. Louis Post-Dispatch: This amateurish action flick is so lacking in personality or punch, it ought to be titled "V for Video Store Discount Bin." Read more

Stephen Cole, Globe and Mail: This one is simply a diverting, uncommonly violent action flick. No need for an extended critical postmortem. Except to say the Wachowski brothers' trademark seems to have turned into a designer brand dedicated to producing inexpensive knockoffs. Read more

Jason Anderson, Toronto Star: Thanks to the movie's dire script, flat performances and excessively slick, tricked-out fight scenes, it gets increasingly hard to care about anything that goes on here, even when it happens to be visible without the use of night-vision goggles. Read more

Ben Kenigsberg, Time Out: Read more

David Jenkins, Time Out: A garish and poorly filmed chop-socky frolic that makes about as much sense as an Escher painting viewed through Vaseline-smudged Ray-Bans. Read more

Rob Nelson, Variety: Seemingly made to capitalize on a dubious CG innovation -- namely, the slicing of bodies in half by whizzing five-pointed stars -- Ninja Assassin has little else to recommend it, not even laughs. Read more

Brian Miller, Village Voice: Shouldn't throwing stars be silent? If they're gonna sound like gunshots, why not just use guns? Read more

Dan Kois, Washington Post: A movie that provides plenty of jolts but precious little pleasure. Read more