Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant 2009

Michael Phillips, At the Movies: This is one of the worst films of the year. Read more

Rene Rodriguez, Miami Herald: A textbook example of how trying to please everyone ends up pleasing no one, Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant is a Frankenstein's monster of a movie, all stitches and seams and disparate parts. Read more

Kathleen Murphy, MSN Movies: Unreeling like a feature-length trailer, 'Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant' suffers from premature sequelitis. Read more

A.O. Scott, New York Times: Tests its viewers' patience even as it strives to build their loyalty. Read more

Nick Schager, Time Out: At the very least, such triteness will dredge up a desire to keep the Weitz family -- brother Chris was responsible for the leaden Golden Compass debacle -- away from the first chapters of big-budget franchises. Read more

Jake Coyle, Associated Press: The supernatural and its accompanying history of half-vampires and vampaneze never establishes itself as anything but ridiculous. Read more

Ty Burr, Boston Globe: Chris Massoglia is almost wholly charisma-free, a handsome, hesitant two-by-four who makes you appreciate the rich thespian skills of Daniel Radcliffe. Casting an unknown is always a gamble. This time the house wins. Read more

Andrea Gronvall, Chicago Reader: Mixing horror and comedy while minimizing the gore, writer-director Paul Weitz serves up a witty adventure fantasy with a tasty dollop of schadenfreude. Read more

Adam Graham, Detroit News: Harry Potter needn't call time out on his Quidditch game, and Edward Cullen can stick to his beauty rest. Read more

Lisa Schwarzbaum, Entertainment Weekly: Don't bother to take notes, because subplots go nowhere, and characters -- many played 
 by well-known actors -- barely get screen time. Read more

Laremy Legel, Film.com: Read more

Amy Nicholson, I.E. Weekly: What's best about the flick is that everything is so, well, normal. Reilly, in particular, delights in responding to the fantastical with the practical. Read more

Betsy Sharkey, Los Angeles Times: Unfortunately Weitz can't quite get a handle on what the film should be, despite teaming up with the talented Brian Helgeland on the script. Read more

Rafer Guzman, Newsday: The script, by Brian Helgeland and director Paul Weitz, frequently strays off course, though the underlying story is always compelling. And, just like Twilight, this movie doesn't end so much as beg to be continued. Read more

Stephen Whitty, Newark Star-Ledger: The movie has no sense of magic or fun; the characters never seem to have anything at stake. It's just a lot of computer graphics and gleefully hamming-it-up actors. Read more

Elizabeth Weitzman, New York Daily News: While Twilight will make more money and get more attention, the darkly comic Cirque du Freak boasts the shaggy charm of the natural underdog. Read more

Kyle Smith, New York Post: An inept fantasy that wants to be a sort of hip Goth legend... Read more

Roger Moore, Orlando Sentinel: The movie's big drawback is that it isn't silly enough. Read more

James Berardinelli, ReelViews: Is it too much to ask that a narrative film have a beginning, a middle, and an end? Read more

Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times: It's ... a mess. The movie is shot through with curious disconnects. Often within a single sequence of events, we won't know where we are, or how they're related in space or time. Read more

Peter Travers, Rolling Stone: Jammed with story threads that don't cohere, Cirque commits the cardinal sin for a vampire movie: It's bloodless. Read more

Stephanie Zacharek, Salon.com: Cirque du Freak is disjointed and disorganized, and it meanders when it needs to gallop. Read more

Peter Hartlaub, San Francisco Chronicle: It's clear that the filmmakers had a hard time adapting Darren Shan's books, made the movie way too long and then hacked indiscriminately at the last minute. Some important scenes are cut off abruptly, and others seem to be missing altogether. Read more

Colin Covert, Minneapolis Star Tribune: The film shuffles together episodes from the first three volumes of the 12-book Cirque saga, which may explain its rushed, patchy feel. It unfurls like a series of skits. Read more

Joe Williams, St. Louis Post-Dispatch: When Weitz and writer Brian Helgeland try to drape a plot over the colorful characters, the movie goes fuzzy. Read more

Stephen Cole, Globe and Mail: We never get under the skin of anyone here. Freaks never become characters. They're objects of derision. Read more

Jason Anderson, Toronto Star: The film can't decide whether it's an earnest fantasy flick or a quirky horror comedy, or whether it's meant for kids or adults -- no wonder it appears to have two titles. Read more

Tom Huddlestone, Time Out: There are also so many characters that some barely register, while others - like our teen hero - are just unlikeable. It's very energetic, but a more relaxed sequel, in which everyone has fun, might be a big improvement. Read more

Claudia Puig, USA Today: Perhaps best of all, the movie doesn't take itself too seriously. It's creepy but tinged with sarcasm and infused with silly fun. Read more

Peter Debruge, Variety: The Vampire's Assistant is too busy making impossible claims about just how spectacular its sequels will be to serve up a self-contained story with a satisfying finale. Read more

Aaron Hillis, Village Voice: The vampire trend continues, but the only authentic bloodsuckers in Cirque du Freak are its producers and studio execs. Read more

Desson Thomson, Washington Post: While it celebrates the creative and the imagined and introduces us to colorful characters, it's bland and dull. Read more