AVP: Alien Vs. Predator 2004

John Monaghan, Detroit Free Press: Paul Simon and Bob Dylan. Elton John and Billy Joel. Alien vs. Predator is just another contrived combination of two former chartbusters who perform their greatest hits before coming together for a duet at the end. Read more

Erik Lundegaard, Seattle Times: AVP will probably satisfy its fans' most basic desires. But, like most sugar rushes, it won't satisfy them for long. Read more

Michael Wilmington, Chicago Tribune: It's a murky, empty-headed dive into the depths of the Antarctic and the heart of monster movie cliches that leaves you praying for most of the cast to get killed off fast, to put them (and us) out of our misery. Read more

Bob Longino, Atlanta Journal-Constitution: [AvP] is in desperate need of a bigger steel cage and a whole lot more smackdown. Read more

Ty Burr, Boston Globe: A movie based on a video game based on two entirely separate sci-fi horror series -- so whatever was interesting in the originals has long been bred out, like double-jointedness. Read more

Carina Chocano, Los Angeles Times: The movie had an opportunity to raise some broader philosophical questions about the nature of evil. Does it coil deep within us or come at us with a retractable spear? Anyway, it passed on that. Read more

Cliff Doerksen, Chicago Reader: Expensive claptrap. Read more

Bruce Westbrook, Houston Chronicle: Though sometimes marred by murky lighting and quick-cut incoherence, the action is sudden and sensational. Read more

Lisa Schwarzbaum, Entertainment Weekly: To ingest Alien vs. Predator on its own slimy, divertingly synthetic terms, it helps to forget everything previously known -- and loved -- about the franchise monster aliens who get star billing. Read more

Gary Dowell, Dallas Morning News: A transparent attempt to jumpstart two run-down franchises. Read more

Tim Appelo, L.A. Weekly: Make sense? No, it doesn't. But if you manage to endure the exposition, you'll get what you paid for: popping chests. Invisible stalkers. Read more

Stephen Whitty, Newark Star-Ledger: This is a sad end for two profitable Hollywood franchises, which now seem to be at an end. The movie bills itself as some sort of ultimate hunt. Instead, it's merely a mercy killing. Read more

Jack Mathews, New York Daily News: The actual fights between the predators and the serpents are too silly to contemplate. Both shiny and metallic, they look like kitchen appliances fighting it out. Read more

Dave Kehr, New York Times: Between the Predators' dripping their glow-in-the-dark green blood and the Aliens' getting their rubber cement mucous all over everything, this is certainly a very sticky movie, though not, ultimately, a very frightening or commanding one. Read more

Roger Moore, Orlando Sentinel: Anderson (Resident Evil, Event Horizon, Mortal Kombat) has a thing for gamelike killing sprees. What he doesn't have is talent. Read more

James Berardinelli, ReelViews: This is a dull, plodding, ultra-serious feature that has a lot more in common with a video game than a motion picture. Read more

Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle: Take a wretched premise. Imagine the worst picture that could be made from it. Then imagine something even worse. Read more

David Edelstein, Slate: Anderson is terrible at giving us our bearings; and he's the only franchise director who fails to generate even a drop of empathy for screaming people who have aliens erupting from their chests. Read more

Liam Lacey, Globe and Mail: In the battle of the ugly syrup creatures with teeth, can anyone really be declared a winner? Read more

Peter Howell, Toronto Star: The film equivalent of a deep-fried Mars bar: an interesting combination that results in a gloppy mess. Read more

Jessica Winter, Time Out: The title alone betrays an entire Hollywood mindset of rehash, reheat, recombine. Re-please. Read more

Dennis Harvey, Variety: Going from the noisily routine to the ludicrous, AVP's final reel or so are likely to produce howls. Read more

Ed Halter, Village Voice: Perfunctory battle sequences, cardboard characters, and uncreative scare 'ems. Read more