Alone in the Dark 2005

John Monaghan, Detroit Free Press: It's tempting to call Alone in the Dark one of those movies so bad that it's almost good. But that might send the wrong signal to Hollywood. Read more

Michael Wilmington, Chicago Tribune: There are some stupid films that rock, if you turn your brain off and enjoy them. Alone in the Dark isn't one of these, though it is very stupid. Read more

J. R. Jones, Chicago Reader: Christian Slater and Stephen Dorff, the reigning princes of Hollywood schlock, join forces in this brain-dead adaptation of a popular video game. Read more

Tom Keogh, Seattle Times: Dreadful. Read more

Peter Hartlaub, San Francisco Chronicle: A film so mind-blowingly horrible that it teeters on the edge of cinematic immortality. Read more

Bob Townsend, Atlanta Journal-Constitution: Alone in the Dark co-stars perpetual party-girl Tara Reid as an archeologist. That alone should give you some clue as to how bad this movie is. Read more

Bill Muller, Arizona Republic: A hokey, recycled collection of mumbo-jumbo that unabashedly steals from a multitude of other horror films. Read more

Janice Page, Boston Globe: Alone in the Dark presents splatter fans with garden-variety gore, and gives action-horror fans loud, unscary special effects rather than genuine suspense or bang. Read more

Kevin Thomas, Los Angeles Times: As silly as it is stylish. Read more

Bruce Westbrook, Houston Chronicle: Frighteningly bad cinema is the only thing scary about Alone in the Dark, which gives video-game movies an even worse name, if that's possible. Read more

Michael Booth, Denver Post: Quite possibly one of the worst movies of the decade. Read more

Scott Brown, Entertainment Weekly: When the giant, intelligent bees of the future sift through the ashes of our civilization, they will find Alone in the Dark, and they will understand. It's so bad it's postmodern. Read more

Philip Wuntch, Dallas Morning News: If nothing else, Alone in the Dark proves that it's possible to 'dumb down' a video game. Read more

Chuck Wilson, L.A. Weekly: Maybe the only people who can explain this flick's nonsensical plotline are those who squandered their youth mastering the Atari video game on which it's based. Read more

Lisa Rose, Newark Star-Ledger: Ultra-violent, hyper-mindless and bruisingly loud, Alone in the Dark makes its video game predecessors look like Masterpiece Theater. Read more

Jack Mathews, New York Daily News: Alone in the Dark is no better than whatever you might pick up while wearing a blindfold at Blockbuster, even if you happen to reach into a trash can. Read more

Stephen Holden, New York Times: This horror film, spun off from an old Atari video game, is so inept on every level, you wonder why the distributor didn't release it straight to video, or better, toss it directly into the trash. Read more

Rex Reed, New York Observer: A violent and incomprehensible piece of gibberish. Read more

Roger Moore, Orlando Sentinel: Too stupid to watch, too loud to nap through, Alone in the Dark shows just how tenuous Plan Nine From Outer Space's hold on that 'worst movie ever' title really is. Read more

Colin Covert, Minneapolis Star Tribune: If you took the 100 worst ideas ever conceived for a science-fiction film, rattled them around in a Lotto tumbler and spilled them out onto the screen at random, you could not produce a more asinine hodgepodge than Alone in the Dark. Read more

Peter Howell, Toronto Star: Alone in the Dark is so awful, anyone who spends 10 bucks seeing it ought to get 11 bucks change and a written apology from the director and cast. Read more

Time Out: Any chance for suspense is thwarted by gratuitous violence, heavy-metal-propelled action sequences and laughably flat dialogue between characters who are barely more developed than in the Atari version. Read more

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Justin Chang, Variety: Alone in the Dark offers ample evidence that House of the Dead helmer Uwe Boll should put down his joystick -- quickly, before anyone else gets hurt. Read more

Benjamin Strong, Village Voice: The garish editing and stilted, exposition-only dialogue induce the frisson of an America's Most Wanted re-enactment that pays unexpected, sidesplitting returns. Read more

Desson Thomson, Washington Post: This is definitely for people who 1) love the video game, 2) think Slater and Dorff are eminently watchable, no matter what bad flick they're in and 3) are wearing industrial-strength ear plugs. Read more

Ann Hornaday, Washington Post: Veers tantalizingly close to being one of those movies that is so bad it's good, but in the end, it's so bad it's just ... bad. Read more